Engravers Solutions Home Page Learn More about Engravers Solutions Contact Engravers Solutions Humor and Pearls of Wisdom from the Head Oyster
Choose Your Solution

Back to Page Button  Previous PagePEARLS OF WISDOM

People are most productive when they’re happy.  Here are a few pearls of wisdom, humor, and other interesting tidbits from the head oyster.  We hope these offerings bring a smile to your face and a positive attitude to your work day.

"Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up.  It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a lion wakes up.  It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle -- when the sun comes up, you had better be running."


TOP 10 BEST (OR WORST) PUNS OF ALL TIME
(Please, no groaning. Of course they're corny...they're puns!)

  1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
  2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
  3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.  Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
  4. Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, "I've lost my electron."  The other says, "Are you sure?"  The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
  5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?  His goal: transcend dental medication.
  6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.  "But why?" they asked as they moved off.  "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
  7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."  The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."  Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.  Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.  Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
  8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.  Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.  He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.  He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.  Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.  Terrified, they did so; thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
  9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.  He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.  This made him... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun in ten did!!!!